We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
