Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
