i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
