I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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