you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
