Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm like, not good at living.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
