I need to stop coming to work sober
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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