What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize