Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
