There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
