i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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