it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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