So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize