Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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