I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Jerry, you need to find god
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
