Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
