Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
