The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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