u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
