Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
