If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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