i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
