I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
