I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
