I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
