dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
