haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
