everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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