my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Congratulations! We have a period
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