what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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