this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
