STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
