omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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