i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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