My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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