So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize