you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize