You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
