i permit you to call me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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