i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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