He asked me if I "almost moaned"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
