Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
