I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My sheets look like a crime scene.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
