I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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