She said her name was "party"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
