i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
