:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
