How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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