I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i need some magic done to my vagina
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
