I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
