I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize