White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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