I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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