How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
