i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
