he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
even my farts smell like vagina
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize