He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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