Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
