mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
