I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize