You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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