So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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