I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
