Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
