hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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