I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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