Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How naked do you want me to be?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
