He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
