You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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