TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
