At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
