dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
