Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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