nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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