What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
