i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
