I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
