yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize