I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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