How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize
