ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
