bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
