i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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