someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
